[FancyCyclops]

Note;
There's going to be a lot of pages, and this might be a bit unsorted.
Please be advised. I have tried to seperate each "chapter" to the best of my ability.

A back-breaking mistake and the story so far;
10/26/339 ~ 1/27/340

The Beginning

[spoiler]It's been a long time in that hospital, and in that time a lot happened.
However, each day, besides the events, have become a blur. It all started on the day 10/26/339,
when I was doing what just about everyone (I know) does in Cellsvich; loiter around the square, when Walter had decided to remind me
I had an exercise schedule (that didn't involve holding the rucksack for as long as possible), and that I was to train my arms, through the practice of push-ups. However, I believed that I could, in fact, lift my rucksack and was confident in my strength.
How far from the truth I was. As I attempted to do my first push-up with the rucksack on, pain shot through my body, and I had a back-breaking realization (in more ways than one);
I was not quite that strong. Nor was I my own best judge. It was loud enough for all to hear.
The session was terminated, as I had to be brought to Sanctuary, put in a brace (after diagnosis), then await recovery.

And so began the two month wait.

The Wait - Ard's Visit

In the beginning, all that I can recall is that I had to wait. A lot. Prayer helped to pass the time, as did Vera's questioning.
Nothing noteworthy. However, what was noteworthy;
I had to go through some awkward explanations in the beginning; starting with Ardnaid. After explaining the situation to her,
she told me to stay, for not only my sake, but Yaeko's May Mercala's light keep her safe and hers.
I lent her some potions, also lightening the load on my back a bit.

Then came Walter's visit.

The Wait - Walter's First Visit

At first, he was surprised that I was still there, which I then explained as for being for my own sake.
Though, loneliness being the beast it is, Walter had prepared to fight it. He has gathered a group of formidable loneliness slayers (aka his friends)
to fell the terrible beast. However, in the process, it is likely that my dignity was also slain, as collateral damage.
After continued conversation, eventually, a subject came up. Not my terrible eating habits within the walls (I should really return this food),
but rumors. Rumors that could ruin the target; Claudia.
After a momentary verbal spat, she and Tani headed off.

The Wait - Claudia's Last Visit

I reassured Walter in the time that they were gone, discussed our relationships, then, afterwards, the topic of rumors came up again, as
Tani and Claudia entered the room, latter in not a very jovial mood. In fact, she was in a state of irrational anger, as it appears that there
were rumors that she was using her friends. Her manner of speech, as I could recall, was her being more angry that there were rumors against her, rather than the problem itself.
She refused to calm down.
After storming off, Walter was less than happy. He saw the best in her, yet...
...After more talking, the door opens. Claudia is back, irrational want for violence with her, along with Tani. Nobody wanted to fight but Claudia. I forced myself out of the bed in an attempt to end it, but only after the first strike.
After treating Walter's wound (possibly risking myself further injury in the process), against protests, Tani finally got the guard for
Claudia, though nobody else in the room wanted it. As the guard made their way in, there was but one thought that stuck out.
With friends like these, who needs enemies?

The Wait - The Inevitable

I continued to stare a hole into that ceiling. After a brief questioning by the guard, a brief questioning of what was going on,
then a brief exit, I was then greeted by at least two familiar faces; Tosseau and Strangelove. Oh, and Tani gave me a plush.
To be honest, I was quite afraid at first, even with Tosseau to keep her from claiming my head.
Though I did get chewed out as among the worst people she knew. But, a truce was to be struck.
I will not plot behind her back, I will save her life as I would another and I will not talk behind her back. In exchange,
all I got was safety and a second chance. Wouldn't need, nor want anything more.
After a discussion on what may happen when I break the truce (besides my guilt killing me from the inside-out),
there was another familiar face. More friendly, though he did seem completely baffled (I don't blame him) that I broke my
back with a push-up. No, rather, I announced it to a room of friendly faces.
After talk of a game of Technica, as well as implied relationships, enough was enough. Yakin had decided to give Walter the standard punishment in the ice-fishing industry. Behold; fish. As he took out the frozen fish, Walter stood, and faced the music.
With a loud slap, Walter was sent flying into the wall! Yakin's honor avenged, eventually they made up, through only the most
manly of ways; rising up, hugging briefly with mutual pats on the back, but only briefly. Truly, this is how men bond.
After further discussions and well-wishes, they headed off. I began to wonder to myself when the wait will end.

The Wait - The Reminder

It was another wonderful day of staring at the ceiling, interrupted by a menacing gaze from Walter!
Of course, it was dire news, as I had to in fact, get my daily food. Jokes aside, there was, indeed, important news.
The Ninja are still active and they appear to have a (possibly paraphrased) "serial rapist" among their ranks.
Long story short, the ninja(?) tried to take advantage of first someone else, then demanded Walter. Not only that, but a secret was revealed.
For the sake of Walter, this secret will not be jotted down. However, I know not of how long this secret can be kept.
(If you're reading this, please don't inquire.)
And I must remember not to blame myself. Not everything is my fault. Also, I have to remember to eat.

The Wait - The First Steps

Another day of staring into the ceiling, another day of Walter's visit. Or, rather, Doctor Walter. He was in a rather jovial mood!
Or, perhaps he just felt like messing around, or lifting my spirits. Theories non-withstanding, I did, in fact, make my way outside for
the Yuletide season. Unfortunately, it appeared everyone was hatted, and I have chosen the wrong time to be hatless.
However, I was spared, and merely given a chance to convert to the guild of hats. So I did, as it was the season to be jolly (And to be thankful), though I did not get a costume, due to my poor state (though I was not poor of Murai).
As I was given my hat, I sat back and continued chatting with Walter. The square was empty, and after enough time I realized that besides
the company, there was no difference in productivity between lying in bed and being in the square.
As I headed back into the hospital bed, we discussed why Imperial customs are, then eventually, I drifted off.

The Wait - The Recurrence

Perhaps it was another day of the same old, same thing. Perhaps I was doing something different.
It mattered not, not so much as this event did; the recurrence of Strangelove, this time without Tosseau. This time, I was most certainly
uneasy. The hairs on the back of my neck stood on end. Yet I felt a sort of calm. The kind of calm that isn't, for lack of a better team, like
I've come to terms with my own death. Of course, Strangelove merely wanted to warn me of the impending dinner, along with wonder why exactly
I hated her. Ah, now that I ruminated on it, the reason why I loathed her was because she reminded me of the capital incarnate; Imperia.
However, at that moment, I could only remember of her actions. But she had her reasons, too. Almost letting her die. Willing to turn upon my
vows and religions over this petty grudge. Meanwhile, my worst enemy; my self-loathing, mocked me. Mocked me for not simply blindly looking
at her as a mere caricature, as well as mocking me for faltering.
Gods I hate that voice.
But I did hear out her story. That she was loathed throughout her life, even before the guard badge went on. That she relied on what people
liked her, until then they disappeared, and she turned into the person she was today. She is hated by many, but has the conviction to continue
doing what (she thinks) is right, regardless of what others think. (Opposite of me, really.)
Ultimately, they were not the problem with the guard, I realize. Merely their scapegoat. Regardless of perceived favoritism,
as it turns out, the guard were all too willing to kick her off to raise their own standing, through a flawed investigation.
I can't exactly remark on much else. But I've made a vow to not stab her in the back, and to keep my morals straight.
By Mercala, I will.

The Wait - The Celebration

As I laid in my (almost-death)bed, I began to think about the party that was in store.
Was I late? That was chief among my thoughts at the time. Also chief among my thoughts was what would happen.
My moment of thought was interrupted by the incursion of Strangelove, dressed in formal gear for the occasion. (Yep, I was definitely late. It's been twenty years.)
As it turned out, it was most certainly the day of the party. I got Vera to help me out of the bed (many thanks,), then got
Strangelove to carry my rucksack (Wouldn't want to risk another accident. Late thanks,), then to escort me to the yuletide celebration.
Escorted, I was. The trip was a blur, namely because it wasn't all too interesting. The mansion was quite impressive, I have to say!
Well, that's besides the point. Everyone (Tosseau, Lux, a person who I forgot and yes, Strangelove.) was dressed for the occasion, well, most of everyone, besides me. I was more dressed for every day.
As I made my way to the table and oh so painfully slowly took my seat with everyone, I looked over the table of appetizers.
(Those rings rued the day they were put in front of me.)
As everyone made conversation, I began to think. Think about that present I forgot. The presents I forgot.
(It spoiled the taste of the rings.)
After a non-descript amount of time, Strangelove entered the room with a sack of cookies (after first baking them possibly, of course),
then gave the room an idea of her eating habits. (The stranger's comment forced me to take my first sip of the day.)
The sack was finally set down. The appetites of everyone in the room was tested. Lux began to devour the cookies. The (blonde) stranger
took two cookies. Tosseau was forced to consume some of the cookies. I refrained.
After all, there was Turkey to be had.
Of course, the two who refrained; I and the stranger, said our reasons. Hers certainly was a bit heavy, and tested my hope for humanity.
(To leave a grievously wounded person with only a potion...)
We diverted quickly from the subject, as there was, in fact, a living furnace being fed cookies.
A personal intermission was needed quickly after the thought was brought up, and Tosseau burnt up the cookies.
Nature of such omitted, I eventually returned to the party, returning to hear of the end result of the cookie furnace.
Just in time, too, as the turkey was done! It smelt as good as it tasted, but the rich flavor isn't something I want to get used to.
I heard further discussion from another perspective. The subjects mostly escaped me, as I simply listened.
Or, rather, I'm not willing to record. But it was nothing too ominous, more simply what they went through.
(I ought to deal with my fragility, though.)
As the party came to an end, presents were handed out.
Most were given in caprice; mine was a ticket representing exactly one training session, Tosseau's was a box of Liquid Courage.
Lux's gift was actually, indeed, a gift. It was a bear pelt; one that could also double as armor thanks to enchantments.
All the party-goers were let off with a hug, as they made their way back to town...
It truly is curious, though. How come this was my first yuletide?
On a more dire note, I need to redeem my ticket.

Wait's End - A New Beginning (unfortunately)

I was still in bed. Was it a day after the party, or the week? The days went by like a blur.
But, something did stick out, first; Walter becoming an official doctor. Second, the fact that I hit the earlier deadline of recovery.
(Less importantly, I missed out on a boardgame, thanks to all my rest.)
Though, I was not fully recovered. At least, so I thought. Walter believed that I should be, or at least, he told me to do some stretches.
As I (un)braced myself, I then began to do the first stretch; touching my toes without bending my knees. It sounded simple enough.
It was a struggle, to say the least. Eventually, eventually, something gave. Namely, my back. Through some terrible stroke of bad luck,
my back was thrown out of alignment. Thanks to Walter's prodding, he found out how exactly it was thrown out, as well as
helping me find out that the misalignment will require surgery, as, again, a stroke of bad luck had thrown it out of position.
With all this bad luck and thanks to Walter, I was given the resolve to finally take that rucksack off.
(After much deliberation, of course.)
Walter made his leave, after all was said and done, hopefully to make way for the surgeon.
I have seen things from that hospital bed that I doubt others ever will.
It's a good thing Vera recorded said events for me.

Wait's End - Reading Between the Lines

I took some more time off, awaiting the surgeons. Or surgeon. Either way, it was more time.
During this time off, I met an old friend; Sigil. He was as old-looking as I last saw him, that is to say; quite old.
I was also reintroduced to a proper meal (note to self; boiled rice does not constitute a good breakfast and neither does sushi,) for the first time in a while, likely because I was living on leftovers.

Another thing I was re-introduced to was something to do in the meantime, or rather, something to read.
Only after Sigil had decided to deliver an entire wagon of them, of course. It was honestly stunning to see all those books.
A bit overwhelming, even, to be honest. So I decided to leave it up to Sigil to decide. It came with the bonus of being able to discuss it.
(Admittedly, the name of the book, and the characters, were quite silly.)
It appears that the books were quite old, however, they still posed questions yet. (Of course, "why didn't I read this yet?" was not one of them. "Did I read this yet?" was.)

To provide a summary, it was a discussion between a "Euthyphro" and a "Socrates", on the subject of the definition of piety.
Perhaps that was not a good summary, but it's not exactly the focus here, even if I and Sigil did discuss on the subject of it;
how Socrates leads others along showing how we are uncertain of our stances, or falsehoods, among other things.
It was a lot to ponder on.

I was given plenty of time to ruminate and read through the books, however, as my surgery was to be delayed.
As well as I was given a new book to read, namely, on the subject of death and the Afterlife. It, again, had a strange name,
but it is quite profound in its writings...
...As Sigil made his departure, I worried for how long I'd be delayed.
Thankfully, not as long as my reading of Phaedo (where is it?) and the writing of these pages.

Wait's End - Old Friend

(In case someone snoops through this, I will with-hold the name and identity of a certain someone.)
This one's a bit fuzzier than usual, even though I'm finally reaching a more recent time. Was there a knock at the door?
Either way, it was another day of visits, this time from a "V" as well as Walter. I gave "V" the usual introductory explanation;
this time also adding in the fact that it now needs surgery. There was discussion around the nature of how I managed to do so.
After said discussion reaching a theoretical "what if I messed my nerves up," Walter decided to go get some coffee.

V headed closer and spoke in a hushed tone. At the time, I was a bit confused. First off was how I was lately.
Second off, an apology for what they did, though the nature of such at the time was unknown.
The coffee break is interrupted by Hum's entry. Unfortunately, they were not a practiced surgeon.
Speaking of practice, Walter got the idea of learning surgery through doing so on corpses. As it turns out, it's actually somewhat common.
The discussion continues, until eventually, I am given another moment with V alone.

We continued our talk, first myself telling them that I was indeed targeted at the time, but little else, then them revealing something
quite (forgive me for the lack of better terms) revealing. Of course, for the sake of privacy, I will not state the nature of
such, however, it put the apology in context. I did, indeed, forgive them for their act.
I then elaborated on my situation; including when Claudia lashed out at Walter. After further apologies and rumination on the situation,
V finished up with talking with me, and made their leave.
I can't tell if I overheard it or if it was offered, but I remembered this line; Want some drugs, kid?

Wait's End - The Last Visit

Another day, another prayer, another moment of idle thoughts.
But it did mark a day closer to the end, as well, Ian's entry and answer also marking such.
Patience is a virtue, one that was tested, or rather, implied to be tested.
Of course, the test ended once Strangelove made her entry. She looked quite different from usual, might I say, quite thoughtful.
Well, during entry. Someone suddenly talking to you tends to burst the bubble of thought rather quickly.
Especially when it's someone that against all odds, manages to mess themself up, though they've laid in bed most of their time.
But perhaps she was merely only temporarily distracted from someone that she cared about (possibly) dying.

Nonetheless, she was on a trip to take a break, to get her thoughts in order.
When you've got a reputation like her, breaks are only natural to take. There was some discussion on this, as well as on what
was happening with me lately. Someone else also paid a visit; my own self-loathing, which Vera tried to keep at bay. (Thank you.)
She somewhat emphasized with my situation, seeing as she were stuck before, though more from exertion than from injury and for but one month.

But she did touch upon the fact that I felt lonely, somehow. In spite of having friends to visit. The (perceived?) infrequency helps.
As well as the ticket I was given, which, Mercala forgive me, has not been redeemed, at the time of writing, though I planned on doing so
as soon as possible. Speaking of as soon as possible, there was a surgery to be undertaken, or rather, to be under the knife of.
Because of the lack of surgeons actually coming, Strangelove had suggested something. What might this plan be?
"Make a ruckus."
A plan with known risks by the one undertaking it, but one I have my doubts on, due to their "history."
However, they were confident in their abilities (and inability to get arrested), so they decided to, indeed, make a ruckus.
It took some time, but it was successful. Successful enough to draw a doctor in. Not the surgeon, just Doctor Hum, here to deliver a visitor.
The visitor in question was Gowwel, (debatably) unfortunately unable to bring a book, but yet still bringing a story.
(That I didn't listen to.)
Hum questioned me, first on my status, then, on the subject of Strangelove coming in.
After my answers to the two questions, she then offered to give me surgery. I asked her about the risks. Of course, said risks included;
Dying. The surgery was re-considered. After they decided on using the bots, quickly after, the doctors of the hour arrived;
Walter and Ian. The latter being the one actually doing all the surgery; the former was at the time of writing still an apprentice.
(It was at this time that Gowwel asked to do the healing. Awfully late, but better luck next time?)
They prepared for the surgery, and prepared to put me under the knife. Of course, this meant me becoming a lesson for the apprentices,
as well. The brace was off, the drugs were on and I was knocked out.
As I fell into my sleep for the surgery and following days, I knew, deep down, that it's over.
It was finally over.

A footnote;

As I made my way out of the hospital, while being introduced to jerky, which I ought to inquire Strangelove about its proper creation, I made sure to sort my inventory properly.
I began to write this down and wondered if I should just bring this with me all the time if I'm to spend so much time writing an entry.
But I knew one thing.
It's finally over. I can move on.

[/spoiler]

There's a faint smudge on the page.