[Snake]

As I walked through the halls of Arjav, a few hours after everything... My mind wandered. A rare sight. A rare event. I don't often think too much. I'm not troubled by thoughts at all. They're only entertainment for me. But this time it was different.

I tried my best. I tried to wrestle against a fate worse than defeat.

Surviving.

What's the point of surviving? It's so much different than winning. A victory would entice everything ending well. But no. I survived, survived, cemented on sacrifices of people I didn't want to lose? I don't know what's wrong with me anymore.

People have always said I was a little desensitized, that nothing had ever managed to get through my mind. I could look at adversity, welcome it, make it suffer for existing with a huge glee. It felt good, really good. Simpler times. Not that I was okay from the start. A body-snatching monster like me with a taste for violence?

I was broken from the start, yet I was kept tight together thanks to the people around me.

Then. One after another. These bindings became loose, if not completely torn. All thanks to them. One after another, they were gone. My men. My friends. My fellow citizen I often hang around. All either taken, or irreversibly scarred by something that now once is gone, doesn't feel rewarding at all. It doesn't feel like I'm honoring any of them.

Ironic.

The unbreakable shield maiden, donned from neck to feet in dark plating. Unable to stand infront of her allies. Unable to be there for them. To save them. I feel like I utterly failed them.

When I returned "home", carrying Eiael and Varen... hoping they would make it. Only to be hit by the realization that it was a lie. A huge lie I made and intoxicated myself with, in blind hope it'd be a little true.

Worthless.

The memory is still vivid. I raised my fist, my shield and preached we would be coming back alive, that we'd have Varen's favorite coffee on the way back.

I stared at the empty spot. I saw myself being there with them. Varen, Eiael, Furuta, Julien. The others around, Clementine, Diego, Lowe, Akiyoshi, Lilly, Brunor, even young Thyme... just laughing it off, making silly jokes, drunk to shit. Fumbling pathetically. Already making plans for the next day where we'll 'bap the criminal scum' and 'hate doing long patrols', the usual chatter.

Only to notice the table was empty, and I was standing before it. Something warm dripping from my eyes, my vision going blurry a few seconds and back. It was hard to keep it in. It felt like my heart was bleeding from my sight.

I dried them. I forcefully swallowed this horrible sensation of guilt trying to suffocate me. It happened. I could only ignore now, right?

Time to continue on. I'll keep doing a good work. These thoughts are only going to trouble me.

I resume patrolling the fort, making sure everyone is in line. I spot someone begin unruly. Nothing but a little scare to make them remember their place would do, so I begin

A job well-done. He's crying in the ground, promising he'll never do it again. It's surprising how good I've gotten at it. Time makes experience, as they say.

On to the next one I go...

And keep doing it.

Did we always have this many people in need of a little scare? I get a little thoughtful, absorbed in it. I only come back to when I notice.

Oh.

Around five fort guards are restraining me with all their might.

I'm a little bloodied. Did I get hurt at a point? One of these criminals I've been scaring into behaving might have had a shank with them. This is awful. We'll have to make sure they're thoroughly disarmed, but the other guards keep buzzing in my ear things that I couldn't really make sense.

I'm getting a little upset. Or well. Would be. Until Steve stood before me and decked me across the face.

What a drag. He's always so straightforward with his methods. I told him that's not the way to go, hypocritically of course, haha! Ouch, though... This stings. He didn't hold back that one bit. What made him so desperate?

Oh. It seems Akiyoshi is calling me along the other First Squad members still in one piece. I wonder why? Maybe it's good news?!

Ayla Redfield, the Imperial Captain, has been gone since then.

Some well-informed people may know they're in Chaturanga, and have been there for an extended time. Not clad in armor, not with her firearm, but as a mere citizen. For some reason, much, much more violent than the Chatarans who knew them do remember them being. She was always bloodlusty, but this time? That seems to have an extra weight over her shoulders. Symptoms of PTSD most likely.

The only few capable of interacting with them are militants of the Chataran Army, with luck, sense or physically outdoing them. But for the most time, they seem to be waking up, visiting certain places, eating the same food, and going back to their home.

What a well-deserved vacation for a victorious hero!