[TCBlade]

Fore Note: I’m probably going to be a bit of “raw and unfiltered Blade” here, especially since I’ve decided on writing this… a good month or so before everything happened last year, thereabout?  And when it is posted, I'll simply be copying it from a Google document I wrote it all in, so I hope my writing is not too confusing, and that what I wrote isn’t misinterpreted or misconstrued in any way.  Regardless, thank you in advance to anyone who actually took the time to read my rambling thoughts.

Hello again, everyone.  It’s been a while.  Some of you don’t know me, a good chunk of you probably remember me.  I hope you all are doing well, no matter if I know you or what my personal opinion on you is/was.  Basically one full year already…


I thought I should probably write a mix of what’s going on, and encourage everyone to be friendly and as open about things as they wish.  After hearing about, and seeing screenshots from others of, what’s been going on, especially within this year alone, I think it’d be a good idea.  But that’s just me.


I’m honestly not sure where to begin on things.  I guess I should go for last year, right?  Prior to everything that occurred last year, I was honestly quite thrilled when I got to be a leader character in Korvara.  It’d been a while since I’d had a big role like that in anything, and it felt nice to be able to truly flex some creative muscles again.  For the first couple of months, it was great.  Obviously, I didn’t do everything perfectly; no one did, and to even consider I did would be narcissistic and arrogant on my part.  But it was overall an enjoyable time, and I got to meet plenty of people I otherwise never would have, considering how standoffish I generally am most of the time (and I know several people can testify to this).


For those who can remember, there was a time after where things started to get awkward.  Or I guess that’s how I’d describe it.  I’m not here to point blame, or to say “I was a victim or villain here, and X person was in this scenario, and…”  Nope.  To summarize it, there was definitely a lack of communication, both from myself and everyone else, and I acknowledge that I probably could have done more.  Everyone involved could have probably done better in that, myself included.  Then came the temp ban.


Was I warned about anything?  Did anyone DM me prior?  No, and no.  Like I said in my appeal post, and like I will say again, I wasn’t given a warning, and no one said anything to me, made an effort to get my attention, nothing.  I would have gladly sat down and talked things out if I had this all brought up to me before.  I won’t deny I’m still a little bitter about it, thinking back.  And I can sympathize with anyone else who’s had the same happen to them, because, to be blunt, it fuckin’ sucks.  I would hope that people are now being talked to about that, and given a chance to explain.  From what I’ve read and heard, it doesn’t fully sound like it, but I could easily be wrong, especially when I have limited resources.


And then there was the “day of reckoning” or whatever you want to call it.  I was stressed, my mental and physical health were in the gutter, and I was hearing about people who associated with me were getting harassed and bullied by others.  Does this excuse everything?  Not necessarily, but I’m sure it paints a clearer picture on why everything happened.  I got fed up with everything, and in discussing what to do with several people, the common answer I got was to just take what I’d done and leave.  So I did.  Everything was initially going to be a lot cleaner, and I would have just slipped away in the dark, but that’s not what happened.  And we’re not going to pretend it was.  In essence, I let everything off my chest that had been there for a while, for better or worse.  And I don’t think I have to be the one to tell you that heightened emotions are a particularly strong motivator.


So yeah, I left, and I took what I had with me.  Obviously, there was much more of a tide-fall effect (I think that’s what it’s called, right?  Something like that?) than I’d anticipated, and from what I could determine, things went into hell and a handbasket.  And I genuinely do want to apologize for that.  My intent was to just “take your shit and leave” and move on with life, and to wipe both sides of the slate clean.  I don’t know much about what happened after I'd left, aside from the new document from the ground up and clippings through the grapevine, but I hope there wasn’t too much damage, aside from the main event.  I’d frankly understand if there was some resentment because of that, even.  And I know a few words mean little on the internet since anyone can say anything, so I don’t blame any skepticism from anyone who sees this, in the event I do go through with posting this.


Would I have done everything differently?  It’s hard to say.  If I was sent back in time with the knowledge I have now, I would have put in better measures ahead of time in case of an event like this (and that also begs the question of whether this would have happened, but we’re just going to say it will for sake of ease), just to make sure it would be more like a knife through butter, rather than Pompeii.  If I wasn’t able to retain my memories, it’s hard to say for obvious reasons.  If it was me now, with my current outlook on things?  I’m sure some matters would have been handled in a different way.  Then again, a lot of things could have gone differently with a bit more knowledge or a different opinion on things.  Kind of common knowledge- and I’m rambling.


Right.  Ummm, what to mention next?  Hmm, I guess I should mention I miss y’all.  Even the ones that were a pain in my ass, at times.  I just hope that all the changes that have been made since my departure, and even future ones, will create a more welcoming and friendly environment for players, and one where they aren’t treated as scum for associating with someone/doing something that can constitute a violation of the rules in someone’s eyes.  I’m sure someone’s said it here before, and I just glossed over it or missed it, but I’m certain 90% of the problems I know of (and likely the ones I don’t know of, too) could be solved through amicable communication and an incentive to not hold grudges or to scum fellow players with out of context screenshots.  This doesn’t mean there needs to be the accuser, a GM, and the accused sat down.  If anything, just getting a fair account from both sides, preferably with evidence.  And in cases where someone isn’t accusing, but something is seen, I’d argue the same case; sit down and talk with them so they don’t have a reason to feel like they were assassinated if there is genuine reason to ban.  I’m quite certain that most people are not evil by nature, and would be willing to talk it out if they were politely approached about the situation, especially if it gives them an opportunity to make amends or clear their name before any administrative actions are taken.  Besides, I don’t want there to be another eruption like- I? we? -had that day, because if someone’s pushed to the brink enough, regardless of who they are, they won’t care about the consequences.  And that’s before you take into account that there easily could be people who want to do genuine harm.  This is just my take on the situation, of course, but as someone who didn’t have that, I can quite confidently say it’s probably healthier for the game and community than shadow banning people and leaving things up in the air for them to later piece together.


Enough about that, I guess I should answer some questions someone may or may not have had.  What happened to what I kept?  It’s been going well with that.  I’ve made some changes, obviously, and made sure to erase what association there was prior because of what was agreed upon.  Think I’ve shown a few people what I’ve added and changed up.  But I won’t go into more detail about that.  Maybe, one day, I’ll be able to show off what I’ve done proudly, and to show that what I took wasn’t just a waste thereafter, as some have claimed.  Have I gotten better since then?  Sort of?  I can certainly say that my mental health has gotten better, and my stress levels have gone down some, and I’ll take what I can get.  Do I still think about the game, and of its players?  Actually, yes.  Even as I’m typing this, I’m mentally whalloping myself for not being a better person and checking up on some of you more often than I have.  Just because I’m not the kind of person to message super frequently doesn’t excuse me being a bad friend.


Other than that, I’m glad to hear that everything’s still going with the game, and that people are having a (mostly) enjoyable time.  Part of me would be tempted to get back on and walk around, look at everywhere, just for memory’s sake, but I’m sure that there’d be someone out there who’d have a problem with it, so I’ll hold off on that.  Heard that a new race was added.  That’s quite neat, and I hope it’s fun to play as.  Hopefully it has strong racials and whatnot.  Don’t know too much, otherwise, outside of more leadership shifts and the war that inevitably happened, but I don’t feel I have enough knowledge to fairly comment on any of that.


What have I been up to over this past year?  Eh, not much out of the usual for those who know me, honestly, sorry to say.  Almost finished my Bachelor’s in Game Design and Development.  Still as big of a Pokemon nerd as ever, if my Pokemon Conquest Gyarados sprite profile picture is anything to go off of (that’s a mouthful).  Got back into cooking as a hobby (rather than simply a necessity) and have been trying to experiment more with that, especially with irl circumstances I probably shouldn’t go into too much detail about.


Yeah, I guess that…more or less covers everything?  Once again, I hope everyone’s been well, and I hope life’s been as enjoyable as it can be, even if you’ve also had much of the same going on.  I doubt this post will be left up for long once I post it, but for those who do see it, best wishes to you and everyone in the SL2 community.  If anyone has any interest in DM’ing me for whatever reason, even if it’s just to chat briefly, my user is more or less what you’d expect it to be.  Probably won’t be posting here for a while again, if at all, but I thought a retrospective on everything from last year and a check-in to see how everyone’s doing, as well as what I’ve been up to, might be a proper goodbye and some closure that was never properly had.


So with all of that out in the open, I bid you all adieu and send best wishes your way.  Make the game something you’d be proud to play and be a part of for me, okay?


Sincerest of regards to every one of you in the community, past, present, and future,


Blade


Update Jan 3, 2024:

Honestly, didn't think I'd make any kind of post or edit again, but something compelled me.  Can't quite explain why, but here we are.

Despite all the anger regarding this post, I can't give solace to those who don't want it, and this was an attempt to give it to those who do want some, and to offer a little advice, even though I doubt it'll be considered that, given the rose-tinted lens of "fuck you and everything you represent."  Don't get me wrong, I fully expected the amount of vitriol I received, and to be frank, don't care.  I'll be blunt; if I had malicious intents when making the post, or even now, I could have done a lot worse, and I wouldn't have even made my presence known.  But to those of you who did offer kind words, I wish you the best, and I appreciate it.  And for those of you who think I'm just trying to sucker up or have a "gotcha!" moment, not the intent, but I have zero belief any of my words will be trusted, regardless of form.  I know at least a few of you probably think I'm off spreading hate or whatever, be it with other people, or through a server, but honestly, worst I've done is warn about a few things that had me concerned, but encouraged them to go have fun if they do intend to play.  I'd list the players in question, but I'm not going to have them extend their necks and receive potential harassment or verbal lashings for any potential associations with me.  Lord knows it happened once, I'm not allowing it to happen a second time.

Oh, and I've seen the reasons for my supposed ban.  If there want to be assumptions about IC responsibility being the reason for why I left, be my guest.  I've said it once and I'll say it again: I planned to, and left after, my health condition worsened.  I won't go into further detail, except that there was a lot of blood loss, and that it's not something I'd wish on my worst of enemies.  Don't see how it relates to "refusing to comply with the rules regarding what's expected of an IC leadership position," or however it was phrased, but I can understand where the idea came from, since you didn't have any good guesses unless you wanted to take what I said as the reason (which we all know that wouldn't have been the case).  But it is quite rude to assume things, especially when I've provided the reason before.  Not that I think it'll matter, or that anyone will care.  Just thought I'd throw it out there.  Didn't really know where to slot it in without it being sort of...abrupt, I guess, so here works.

Still doing well, otherwise.  Current combating a head cold, but outside of that, I'm doing the best I have been, and I don't think I've been this excited for the future in years.  Though my situation probably isn't yours for a billion reasons, I hope the rest of you, and the game, are at your peaks, too.  On the topic of other games, since I saw that brought up a couple times, the handful of other BYOND games I've tried fell through due to either financial issues on the parts of the owner/s, or because of poor management that led to some form of general stagnation.  Which is unfortunate, but not impossible.  But that's not the topic.  At the end of the day, if I'm a villain in your story, or in your interpretation of me, I welcome it with open arms, and I do invite anyone who wants to talk with me, be it through Discord or other means, to do so. I promise I don't bite unless I'm bitten at first.  Though if anyone, for some reason, does take the offer, I ask you at least make it known so I'm not confused later, and so it doesn't make the situation awkward.  I'm sure some people are going to say I'm "meddling in community affairs" again (What?  Is someone not allowed to have an opinion, or to offer advice?) or that I'm looking for attention, and to that I say to believe what you want.  I think there are genuinely good people in here, and if anyone wants to chat, catch up, or to hear another side of the coin, my door is open.  Even if you want to do so with someone else watching because you're paranoid, fine with me.  As long as we can talk like adults and have a polite conversation, that's all I care about.

I won't bother checking back, as the topic's more or less over.  I guess, as I'm writing this, I wanted to check what everyone was up to after New Year's, a little, and to wish you all a belated happy New Year's.  And to those of you who did bother reading the edit, regardless of whether or not you like me, or if you want to see me be boiled alive and dropped into a vat of boiling oil, suffering horrendously, or what have you, thank you for your time once again.  Go have fun playing SL2, but always make sure that you're aware of your standings in the community so no nasty surprises await you; that's the best and most heartfelt advice I can give, as of now.  So, I'm going to let the dying dog finally pass on in peace, and I encourage the rest of you to do the same.  Cheers, and despite my frustrations with everything that's happened, I give you all my best wishes!

With love,
Blade